


this home. is a disaster.

by sapphireandgold



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Is a Little Shit, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Identity Reveal, Oblivious Marinette Dupain-Cheng, this is crap tbh but... i'm posting it anyways, well someone please take this keyboard away from me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27745063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphireandgold/pseuds/sapphireandgold
Summary: “Good evening, son. How was your day?”“Father, you got an akuma to throw me into a pit.”“Well, that was quite the sight, wasn’t it? Your vulnerability threw me off back there.”Or, an AU where Gabriel and Adrien know each other's identities but don't steal each other's miraculouses out of some strange sense of honor. They are still passive aggressive about it though. Inspired by a Tumblr post.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe
Comments: 23
Kudos: 341





	this home. is a disaster.

**Author's Note:**

> its 11pm here and i need to sleep

Chat yelped as he was tossed across Paris and into a pit. He could have sworn he heard Hawkmoth's booming laughter at the leather clad hero's embarrassment.

_‘Damnit Father.’_ Chat Noir mentally hissed. Ladybug ran up to where Chat Noir had fallen and shouted. 

“Are you okay in there Chat?” He gave her an assuring nod then stood up and vaulted out. 

“Can we just kick this Akuma’s ass already? I wanna deal with _someone_ as soon as we finish this.” Chat Noir glared pointedly in Captain Sandman’s direction and growled slightly. Ladybug gave a slightly concerned and suspicious look. “Are you okay, Chat?” 

“I’m fine,” he waved her off. “Let’s get this over and done with.” 

## 

…

## 

Unsurprisingly, the akuma was easy to beat (Chat Noir was weirdly more violent than usual) and they were sharing a victory fist bump. Chat bolted off before Ladybug could interrogate him, and she sighed when she landed on her balcony and threw herself on her deck chair. “Tikki?” Marinette asked.

The little deity popped out from inside Marinette’s purse, nonchalantly gobbling up half an entire cookie. “Yes Marinette?” Marinette sighed. “Do you think something’s going on with Chat Noir? For the past two months he’s been so aggressive towards Akumas and… wait, no. It seems he has a vendetta against _Hawkmoth_. I mean, I know everyone doesn’t like that asshole but Chat is a special case in my opinion. This is just so weird…” 

Tikki sighed as well and muttered to herself, “Why didn’t Plagg just cataclysm Adrien’s father already?” and then said to Marinette louder, “Do you think maybe they know each other?” 

They didn’t say anything about dropping hints… then Marinette would ‘find out’ on her own and this would all be over and her bug would get her hamsters. The sooner they date the better anyways. Great idea. 

Marinette looked thoughtful for a moment before waving her hand dismissively. “Honestly, I don’t think Chat would do that. He would tell me if he knew on the first chance he got. We trust each other that much after all.” Marinette let out a dreamy sigh. “Or at least I do,” 

Tikki rolled her eyes in frustration. _’You know what? These two will find each other out way after I expected.’_ She carried on munching on the third cookie. 

## 

…

## 

Adrien stormed into the mansion, where Gabriel was waiting expectantly on the foyer, with Nathalie standing by his side.

“Good evening, son. How was your day?” 

Adrien glared and he took a calming breath. “Father, you got an akuma to throw me into a pit.” 

Gabriel snorted and stifled his laughter. “Well, that was quite the sight, wasn’t it? Your vulnerability threw me off back there.” 

Adrien’s glare intensified. “Well, I’m going out with Nino, Mari and Alya.” The designer narrowed his eyes and asked, “Nathalie, check Adrien’s schedule. We can’t have him missing-” But Adrien was already bolting out and heading out the gate. 

“Adrien you can’t give me such an attitude! Come back here!” Adrien carried on running. “I have cookies son! Do you want one? I can ask Nathalie to order some from that bakery near your school!!” he gestured to his assistant and she immediately tapped away on her tablet. 

Adrien stopped in his tracks and looked hesitantly at his father, who smirked. Surprisingly enough, Adrien flipped him off and the smirk vanished. Adrien _actually_ , honest to God flipped his middle finger at the Gabriel Agreste, and he was fuming. “YOU KNOW WHAT?” Gabriel roared. “YOU’RE NOT GETTING THOSE COOKIES! IN FACT, NO MORE SWEETS FOR A WEEK!” 

“You forget I have connections, Father. I can get some from my friend Marinette!” Adrien cackled, then continued running. Gabriel took a shaky breath and rubbed his temples. “Nathalie, please book me a spa appointment stat.” 

## 

.

## 

Thirty minutes later, an akuma named Discipliner rampaged Paris, attacking every teenager that had a middle finger. Chat Noir arrived at the scene with a mouthful of cookies and pockets stuffed with macaroons and a half eaten croissant. Ladybug was beyond confused when Discipliner winced at the sound of Hawkmoth raging and screaming in his ears. Chat Noir carried on eating his croissant, Ladybug was still confused, and Discipliner gave up his akuma after listening to Hawkmoth monologuing about disrespectful kids for 10 minutes.

## 

.

## 

Chat Noir got into his room and detransformed… only to find his father sitting on his couch with steepled fingers, staring intently at him.

“Adrien, where were you? It’s 11pm for fu- heaven’s sake!” 

“You could just say fuck. It won’t kill you.” Adrien flopped on his bed. 

“I have a reputation to uphold. I will not taint my name in a way such as that.” 

“You hoard butterflies in a basement and monologue for half an hour. What dignity is there in that?” 

“I-” Before Gabriel could defend himself, Adrien pressed on. “In fact, you once yeeted my Lady-” 

“She irritated me. And are you still in love with that insolent girl? You can obviously do better. Wait, what is yeeting?” 

“Shut up she’s amazing. And stop hoarding butterflies dad that's crazy.” 

“Gosh, are all 16 year olds these days this disrespectful?” 

“Only to evil moth men who they are related to.” 

## 

...

## 

Chat Noir stormed into Hawkmoth’s lair later that week. “FATHER PLEASE STOP TRYING TO KILL MY GIRLFRIEND.”  


Hawkmoth turned around glared at his son. “WELL, SON, YOU SHOWED ME THE MIDDLE FINGER ONCE AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME IN FRONT OF _PARIS_. BESIDES, SHE IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND.”

“WELL, SHE WILL CARRY YOUR GRANDKIDS ANYWAYS! SOME DAY THOUGH…” 

“Son, that’s adorable, BUT YOU THREW MY CHAMPION ACROSS PARIS.” 

“I DIDN’T THROW HIM, I YEETED HIM!” Chat stomped his foot on the ground, jostling a few butterflies. 

“That Nino friend of yours is a bad influence. He is teaching you that modern and disgusting teenage language.” Hawkmoth pointed out. 

“Whatever.” They remained silent and unmoving. Chat Noir cleared his throat and said, “So father, I need money for something. And I can’t find my credit card anywhere.” 

“You need money?” Hawkmoth inquired. 

“I’m going on a date with someone.” Chat explained. “It’s actually Marinette, the girl from my class I keep telling you about.” 

“You’re finally over Ladybug. That baker girl shows far more potential than the bug. You can ask Nathalie for a spare card,” 

The leather clad hero snorted. “Yeah…Mari is waaayyy better. And thanks by the way!” he was walking back to the glass elevator when Hawkmoth shouted, 

“Son, use a condom if you two decide to get frisky! When Emilie wakes up, I don’t want her finding grandkids!” 

Adrien chocked. 

The next akuma Hawkmoth sent out as a joke was called Date Ruiner , and both Ladybug and Chat Noir mercilessly pummeled her to the ground in five minutes flat. Hawkmoth was laughing in his lair miles away. 

## 

The next day #flipoffthemoth was trending, and pictures of Adrien and his friends proudly grinning at the camera, and standing in front of what looked like a very, very, _very_ rude sign with unmentionable words and a horrible doodle of Hawkmoth was trending. Discipliner got reakumatized.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to yell at me on [Tumblr](https://sapphire-and-gold.tumblr.com/)


End file.
